The Lost Art of Kissing



Becoming an amazing kisser can bring access to new levels of connection with a lover, igniting passion and sensual energy with just a kiss. Kissing is often considered a means to an end. It’s how many couples begin foreplay, but when they progress into other forms of arousal, kissing is often forgotten. There are tons of nerve endings in lips that stimulate desire, so kissing before, during and after sexual play, of any kind, can be extremely arousing and satisfying.

Besides bringing about intense bonding and connection, kissing has many health benefits:

  • It lowers blood pressure.
  • Men initiate open-mouth kissing to transfer libido-boosting testosterone to their partner.
  • Passionate kisses cause the heart to beat faster, pumping blood to all vital organs.
  • A good long kissing session can terminate a headache and/or menstrual cramps, as it dilates the blood vessels and eases pain.
  • It gets fluids flowing. Besides lubrication in a woman’s genitals, it increases saliva secretions that wash away plaque on teeth that leads to cavities.
  • It amps up happy hormones like serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. When stressed or rundown, kissing (or lovemaking) can make us feel better, as it relaxes, restores and revitalizes, not unlike exercising.
  • Kissing can help one feel more loved and connected, which also boosts self-esteem.
  • Tightening and toning facial muscles happens with kissing, so more kissing can help one look younger.

Andréa Demirjian, author of Kissing: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About One of Life’s Sweetest Pleasures,” conveys, “Kissing is intimate: One is right there in the space of one’s soul. It gets to the core of the heart and spirit because it’s such a lovely way to express and receive love and affection. A kiss a day really can keep the doctor away.”

Tips for Better Kissing

Practice good oral hygiene and freshen breath first. Schedule regular trips for dental cleanings and brush daily for overall good mouth hygiene. Consider mouthwash, natural mints, or therapeutic grade peppermint essential oil for freshening breath. Long, slow, deep breathing is best while kissing. Notice where one’s hands are. Add caressing, hair stroking, lightly stimulating erogenous zones and/or simply holding. Treat kissing as passionate meditative movement, being fully present and aware of the whole body, and where and how it’s in contact with a partner’s.

During foreplay, tease with soft pecks. Start by giving gentle pecks all over a partner’s face—everywhere except the lips. Slowly, gently trace the outline of their mouth with just the tip of the tongue. Tease by not penetrating the mouth yet, just building up to it. This is the warm-up. Gradually increase arousal (heat up), but do it slowly. If rushing, slow down. Go at least half the speed accustomed to. Experiment with going 10 times softer in your kissing and touch and see what new sensations and experiences are possible. The slower the build-up, the greater the arousal.

Continue with open mouthed kissing but not using tongue yet. If a partner starts to French kiss with tongue, pull back a bit, then return to kissing. Be playful. Help build desire. Finally, gently start sucking and lightly nibbling on the lower lip. Then try the upper.

Do not always keep eyes closed. Learn the tantric art of eye gazing. The eyes are the windows into the soul. The right eye sends energy and the left eye receives it, so look into both eyes with a soft gaze but focus slightly more on the left eye.

The Yin & Yang of Kissing Alternate yin and yang roles between kisser (yang/giver) and kissee (yin/receiver). Decide who is going to be in which role, choose a length of time (perhaps for five minutes) and set a timer. When time is up, share any sensations and/or experiences before switching roles and setting the timer again.

  • Yin=softness of lips, light pressure, slow speed, lower lip, shallow
  • Yang=firmness of lips, hard pressure, fast speed, top lip, deep

An example of yin/yang play: Press lips against theirs—hard (yang)—as if about to devour them whole, or soft (yin) as if penetration is what one is asking for. Keep a partner guessing what is coming and when, as this amps up the energy even more.

Setting up special time to practice kissing can help partners explore different types of kissing, contributing immensely to new experiences, whether on a first date, or second decade.

Sacha Fossa is a sexual health, wellness and empowerment coach, educator and healing arts practitioner who offers sessions, programs and classes, virtually and/or in person, for individuals and couples to gain erotic liberation and mastery. For more information and to sign up for a complimentary consultation, call 978-309-9399 or visit SacredTempleArts.com.

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