Body-Mindfulness for Self-Care: How to Be Self-Centered Without Being Selfish
Apr 30, 2021 09:31AM ● By Alison Shaw
It
wouldn’t be going out on a limb to say that women are not always great at
taking care of themselves. By their nature, women are care givers, a beautiful
and noble quality. Women are culturally assigned caregiving roles, also a noble
thing. So, the issue is that too often women lose a healthy balance between
caring for others and caring for self, particularly when surrounded by those
with great needs, like children, aging parents, an ill spouse or friend, a
demanding job and/or a pandemic.
Women
often find themselves centered around others’ needs and can lose awareness of
their own feelings, needs and even bodies. For some, the mandate to prioritize
others begins in childhood. Subtle or overt rules create beliefs that being
loved, valued, sometimes even safe, requires focusing on others’ expectations.
Caring for self is often judged as selfish and disrespected as shameful
and weak. This insidious cultural message has created an either/or dichotomy
between self-ish-ness and self-less-ness.
Finding
Balance
Imagine
living in a tree. Connecting with others and the world requires standing out on
the tree’s branches. But when too far out helping others, the thinning branch
tips cannot hold the weight, and falling is inevitable. This is the place of
self-less-ness. There is no way to maintain balance or health for giver
or receiver. Conversely, staying in close, hugging the trunk focusing only on
self (self-ish-ness) means no relationships or life.
So
how does one live a balanced life in a tree? Balance is found by reaching out
toward others with one hand while the other holds firmly to the trunk at all
times. That way we can only reach out as far as our personal limits allow.
Personal limits are not failings; self-care is not weakness. It is possible to
have relationships and self.
Since
most humans do not live in trees, the translation to real life is in finding
and holding on to a sense of center on all levels—mind, spirit and body. On the
mental level, the tree trunk is the awareness of feelings, thoughts and needs.
For many women, speaking their truth, setting limits, saying no, or asking for
help is difficult. When aware of our feelings and needs, it is easier to stand
by them and address them for ourselves.
For
many, a spiritual faith, belief or contemplative practice acts as a tree trunk
that steadies and strengthens even when there isn’t time to meditate or pray.
Finally, the body, the most easily forgotten part of our center of self, is
actually the quickest way back to balance. When focused on others under stress,
senses get flooded with outside signals and our body becomes that thing below
our heads that moves us around.
Here
are three quick body-mindfulness steps that will foster healthy
self-centeredness. As often during your day as you remember to:
• Pause: don’t stop whatever you are doing, take one or two
breaths (they don’t have to be deep). Simply feel the sensations of the breath
in nostrils, chest, belly.
• Notice your body: focus on the sensations in your face,
shoulders, arms, torso, legs, feet.
• Feel your body’s weight wherever you sense it: bottoms of
your feet or seat, perhaps head or limbs. Become aware of gravity’s pull. See
if there are any muscles you can release into gravity’s steady support.
Deceptively simple, these three
embodiment techniques bring us back to our tree trunk. Once back and connected
to our own self, body, mind and spirit, giving becomes more effortless,
productive and healing for all.
Alison Shaw RN, LMT, CEH, is a body-centered therapist
in private practice in Lexington, MA. She has developed, practices and teaches
programs in Bodymind Repatterning, working with the body and mind together for
deeper healing of physical and emotional struggles. For more information, call
781-646-0686 or visit BodymindRepatterning.com.
