Intimate Climate Change
Mar 31, 2020 08:29AM
By Sacha Fossa
When intimacy falters in relationships with others and/or in our own body, such a sudden change in climate can have serious implications and rippling effects in our lives. By recognizing that intimate climate change is an indicator of generally more deeply rooted challenges, an approach can be taken to find the underlying cause(s) and solutions and new possibilities. Awareness is the first step to creating real and lasting change.
Erotic Detective Work
Taking a holistic or integrative approach to discovering what has caused intimate relationship issues and/or sexual disharmony with another or in one’s own body can be highly effective. We can start by asking ourselves and/or our partner(s): What physical, energetic and/or bio-chemical, emotional, psychological, and/or relational changes have taken place in my body and/or in my relationship? Write down all the possibilities for what could be contributing to the overall intimate climate change. Ask questions and come up with ways to address each.
For example, if there has been physical changes and/or traumas or injuries to the body, a massage, chiropractic adjustment, pelvic floor specialist and/or a doctor could be helpful in supporting physical healing. If there has been hormonal (bio-chemical) changes, getting one’s hormones checked and addressed could be helpful. A skilled intimacy coach or therapist can help with finding positive solutions for restoring intimacy harmony and health.
Erotic Blueprints and Sexuality Stages
Another helpful way of restoring intimate climate balance is to discover what our intimacy languages are (aka Erotic Blueprints) and what sexuality stage we are in currently, along with our partner. The sexologist Jaiya, founder of the Erotic Blueprint system, provides a comprehensive map to intimate well-being and empowerment and includes her defined five stages of sexuality.
The Resting Stage
If someone is in this stage, they may be in a sexless relationship, taking a break from sex by choice, may have never had sex, or may be craving sexual satisfaction but have cut off all sexual activity. They may find themselves wondering what happened to their sexuality. They are most likely seeking a greater sense of connection, intimacy and passion. Or perhaps they want to take a break from sexual activity, which could improve sex when they are ready to indulge.
The Healing Stage
If someone has experienced a physical injury, or emotional or psychological trauma, the Healing Stage may be their current need. This may require time to understand how the trauma is affecting their sexual health and vitality and their ability to connect with themselves and others. If it is a physical injury or trauma, scar tissue, hormonal imbalances and recovery from surgery all have pathways to recovery. If the trauma is emotional or psychological, seek out a sex-positive therapist familiar with trauma, find a healthy sex-positive community for support and/or find a skilled coach.
The Curious Stage
If someone is in this stage, they are out to learn as much as they can about the things that interest them. They may be asking a lot of questions, reading books, attending workshops or simply looking at the wide world of eroticism with newly opened and receptive eyes.
The Adventurous Stage
Usually following the Curious Stage, people in the Adventurous Stage are claiming what they desire and taking steps to get it. This stage is all about taking action.
The Transformational Stage
When someone is in Transformational, they are seeking what is more to sex. They may be desiring ecstatic, transformational and spiritual experiences so sex is about transcendence, meaningful intimacy and connecting to the divine. Great opportunities for people in this stage would be studying the sacred sexual arts like tantra or Taoist sexuality.
These stages of sexuality are not hierarchical and each has powerful rewards and benefits.
By determining our current stage, we can additionally decide what stage we would like to be in, as often they are not the same. A stage can change because of the partner we are with, and/or it can change due to shifts in age or hormones. There are endless factors that can affect what stage we are in. In fact, we could be in every stage in the course of a single day or a single sexual interlude.
Intimate health is essential for overall health and well-being. Intimacy is complex and ever-changing, so when there is an intimate climate change, restoring it is possible with the right inquiry, commitment, tools and protocols.
Sacha Fossa is a holistic sex, intimacy and relationship coach, educator and healing arts practitioner offering sessions and programs for individuals and couples, in-person and virtually. For more information and to sign up for a complimentary consultation, call 978-309-9399 or visit SacredTempleArts.com.